the joy of a crazy playdate

i openly admit that i cringe at the idea of playdates.  so often it seems that a playdate becomes a platform for competition and judging other mothers and their parenting skills.  for over 2.5 years i have avoided most playdate opportunities like the plague because of this bizarre behaviour.

today, thanks to a wonderful lady named Dani, over at www.mom2mom.ca/toronto india, kalden and i went to the biggest playdate ever and it was nothing at all like my previous experiences.

at one point i counted 24 kids in Dani's backyard but i know there were even more kids in the house.  it was pure madness and i loved every minute of it.

everywhere i looked, someone was holding someone else's baby, wiping mud off someone else's toddler and getting food for someone else's child.  it was beautiful to watch strangers become friends with nothing more in common than the fact that they were parents.

today was the perfect example of how things "should" be.  laughter, smiles and co-operation in parenting.  bonding over tortilla chips or the smell of a new baby is a much better way to live life than spending time worrying about who is potty trained and who is counting to 10. 

i even got to chat with a fellow doula, although it was a little hard to have a continuous conversation when there was so much action around us.

i REALLY look forward to meeting up with more of those ladies and having the chance to get to know them better on an individual basis.  i am also really thankful for online communities like mom2mom that translate into wonderful "in real life" experiences. 

the evolution of breastfeeding

when i had my daughter 2.5 years ago, i knew that i was going to breastfeed her.  there was no alternative in my mind and i never for one second considered that it might not work out. 

i was lucky.  india latched on like a professional within minutes and was breastfed until she was 18 months old.  i didnt really realize at the time that i was being political in any way; i was just feeding my baby.

i remember feeling slightly uncomfortable as i tried to feed her in a crowded waiting room, or feeding her in the car in a parking lot trying to make sure i was sufficiently covered up.  as india aged i felt even more self conscious and of course, i was faced with questions from family and friends about when i was going to stop breastfeeding my child.

we went on vacation when india was 13 months old to a colombian island in the caribbean and suddenly women everywhere on the island were smiling and nodding whenever i breastfed my daughter publicly.  these subtle approvals were warm and comforting and most importantly they reassured me that i was was doing a GOOD THING for my child. i went on to breastfeed her until she self weaned and i felt good about my accomplishments.

now that i have a son, i am much more confident when breastfeeding and i don't care where i am or who is in the room.  when my child needs to eat, i happily feed him.  i'm less concerned about covering up and making sure nothing is showing.  and you know what?  no one seems to mind one bit. 

so while i realize that what i'm doing is considered political - more importantly, it's just a human act of love.  and since my 4 month old weighs 19 pounds, it seems to be working out perfectly.  :)

extended breastfeeding?

this is an old post from a blog i wrote for a while in 2005... i ended up breastfeeding my daughter until she was 18 months and she self weaned. i hope to make it to 2 with my son.

on the eve of some good friends having a beautiful baby boy, i was thinking about the term "extended breastfeeding" and how innacurate the term actually is. extended breastfeeding, in north american terms, mean breastfeeding past one year of age. however the World Health Organization recommends babies be breastfed up to two years of age.

As a global public health recommendation, infants should be exclusively
breastfed1 for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health.2 Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond.

therefore, should the term "extended breastfeeding" not be applied until a baby is older than 2?

nothing is more sad than the lack of education and support in north america regarding just how vital breastfeeding is for babies. women who can't breastfeed shouldn't be made to feel bad, there shouldn't be guilt in bottlefeeding but there should be way women doing it. that might seem like a contradictory statement but in my opinion if everyone made a honest effort to breastfeed their children, then the few who couldn't would not feel bad about it and no one would question their situation. as it is now, i constantly hear about women whose breastfeeding attempts were sabotaged by nurses, jealous husbands, mothers and other relatives. and in the end the baby is the one getting the raw deal.

my daughter will be one on february 1st and i DO NOT consider myself to be extended breastfeeding. i consider myself to be taking care of my child's natural needs. our nursing sessions are something sacred in this family and i'm lucky to have a husband that comes from a country where breastfeeding until 2 or 3 is the norm...just for a refresher, here's a great article on the benefits of breastfeeding.

links on the benefits of "extended breastfeeding"

http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBextended.html

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

http://www.gentleparenting.com/ebf_faq.html

the birth of india

i was 27 when i was pregnant with my first child. an amazing transformation took place in those months; i suddenly became acutely aware of my surroundings, of what i was putting in my body, of what i was watching on tv and of where our precious planet was headed.

suddenly i could not read enough. i literally devoured every website i could find, every book i could check out of the library and soon i found myself at odds with much of the mainstream world.

i decided to have a homebirth with my midwives and i read every study, statistic and article i could find. my instincts told me it was the safest option for me and i soon found that the facts backed me up.

i never worried about my homebirth, people asked me all sorts of questions and i never had a moment's second thought. it was on of the easiest decisions that i've ever made.

labour with india was LOOOOOOONG. i wan 9 days overdue but happy. i went into labour on a Sunday - hung out with my family, walked around the local malls and played cards with my husband. my contractions remained fairly insignificant. i didn't get any sleep at night though, and by monday evening i knew things were getting serious. contractions were more regular and not so much fun anymore. i had a bath and a glass of champagne and revelled in my last moments of "freedom".

by 11:30pm my midwife arrived and settled in. i made her some soup and she took a nap. i was horrified to find out that i was only 3 cm dilated and thought for sure i was going to be in labour forever. by that time i could no longer sit or lie down. it was far too painful and so i walked. i walked up and down and around our apartment. at around midnight my water broke (thanks yoga ball!) and then my midwife says she knew things were picking up because i lost my sense of humour. there was a small amount of meconium in the fluid and we discussed the option of tranferring to a hospital but my instinct told me that all was fine and we stayed at home.

i continued to walk. i had my husband pressing on my lower back through each contraction and i got in and out of the tub and shower to relieve the pain. i tried to meditate through the pain - i used pictures of the dalai lama, i used a prayer wheel, i used my husband.

at one point my midwife told me to eat something to keep up my energy and so i chose some jello. as the early morning approached, i was losing energy and feeling hopeless. i cried. i threw up. i tried to cancel the whole thing.

my husband was a rock throughout everything. he cheered me on, did exactly what i told him to and held me hand the whole time. FINALLY around 6am my secondary midwife arrived and after they checked me they told me that i could start to push whenever i felt the urge. sure enough, a few minutes later i felt that unforgettable sensation. i started pushing while sitting on the toilet (not a pretty image i know) and my midwives helped me focus my energy to get the most out of my contractions. finally my husband looked at me and said "i can see her hair!"

at that point adrenalin kicked in.

they got a mirror and i was able to see the full head of hair that my daughter had. i was so excited. i was about to be a mother.

i pushed some more and then moved to a birthing stool. DH held me up and my midwives guided me through it. once her head was out they suctioned her (because of the meconium) and i noticed my midwives look at each other. i focused on a couple more pushes and out she came. my gorgeous baby girl.

my midwife put india on me and tears of joy and relief poured down my face. i held her and told her a million times that i was her mommy. it was then that they told me she had been born posterior. a sunny side up baby. a 9 pound 3 oz direct OP baby.

within a few seconds, india was breastfeeding and thus began my life as a parent. it's a memory i cherish more than anything. for weeks i felt like a superhero. in fact i think i still feel that way.